just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
