the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
