I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
