My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
