Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
