That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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