Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
