Already got asked if we're dating
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
