My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
