oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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