I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
