I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
they're like a gay fantastic four
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize