Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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