yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
