Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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