We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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