....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
