if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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