I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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