It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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