omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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