If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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