I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
