We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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