Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
What a dumb baby whore.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
