I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
