I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
