At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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