the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
