Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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