I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize