haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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