the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
