she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
