He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
3pm strippers are depressing
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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