unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
two words...techno handjob
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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