How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
