even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
