he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
