I just pynch a tree in the face
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize