can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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