I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
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