Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
