no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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