You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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