Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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