you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
