I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Buhtt sex?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
