Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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