I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
