if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
