I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
