Im at strip club and am horny
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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