Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Randomize
