If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
