It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize