On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My balls are so social today.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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