booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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