so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I am midnight drunk by noon
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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