How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
