so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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