so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
