I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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