i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
