After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
