And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
