It's Friday. Sex?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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