4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
