I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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