I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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