Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
