And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
