I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
